Be careful what you wish for
Something has been really bothering me lately.
As I look back on my marriage to Barry, I can say that we rarely fought. When we worked together with Barry as the manager of my career, we made a good team. We also had a united front when raising our kids.
But there was one thing that drove me crazy about Barry. His snoring! You could hear him throughout the house because he snored so loudly. The strange thing was that after a shove by me to roll over, he still snored whether sleeping on his stomach, side or back. I spent many nights wide awake and so irritated that I wanted to scream! I would lay there for hours thinking that if he doesn’t fix his snoring, I would have to leave him. A good night’s sleep in a quiet room of my own was my only wish!
Barry slowly began to change when frontotemporal dementia (FTD) started to attack his brain. He couldn’t find work, and he was constantly involved in small car crashes, among other things.
Early on, I was convinced that snoring was the cause of his problems. I was sure Barry stopped breathing in his sleep and snoring was his gasping for air. I thought that his brain wasn’t getting enough oxygen so, of course, he would act strangely during the day. I sent him to see a doctor for the snoring even though we had no insurance at the time. I imagined that after the doctor’s visit, his snoring issue would be resolved, there would be quiet nights and Barry would be back to his old self. Everything would be better! This first visit to the doctor marked only the very beginning of my quest to find out why Barry was changing. Very quickly, it became obvious that the issue was no longer about snoring.
Looking back now, it really bothers me that I let snoring bug me so much. I wasted too much time kicking, shoving and being irritated. Now that Barry lives in a care center, I no longer hear snoring and spend long, quiet nights alone.
Be careful what you wish for!